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Monday, November 29, 2010

Picking Myself Up by the Stilettos..

It's been nearly one full year since my last post.

Shocking, I know!

It's been a year of learning, and change, for me in so many areas. I've taken on new challenges, and I've let go of certain things that I had previously found my identity in. Unfortunately, writing was one of those identities that found itself, temporarily, on the chopping block. Not by choice, mind you. But, by necessity.

Now, before those of you, purist writers, who would come down on me for selling out to the business of life, know that I'll be the first to confess my fault. Yes, I threw up my hands in defeat and wavered in my tenacity of "writing spirit" and walked away for a season. I'm not proud of it...

But, also know that I've discovered a new sense of self. I've unearthed the authentic "me" that had been buried under the pressures and demands of vocation and day-to-day life.

It was difficult to lay it all down, the blogs, the works-in-progress, the revisions of completed manuscripts. But, I had to exchange it for "life."

Sometimes, I find that I have too much info on the brain and I just tend to shut down my creative side in order to facilitate the "business" side of my mind. I've learned that allowing that to happen may make more room for my vocational responsibilities, but in exchange, withers my imaginative soul.

I'm an all-or-nothing type of gal. And, that poses problems for me. Especially being equal-parts right and left-brain. My creative muse is smacked down by my editorial diva on a continual basis. It can be an awful stress factor. And, there are times that I live the administrative part of my life and allow the imaginative side to fall away. It's almost easier to let her go and to focus on my job, only. (My "job" can be demanding. I direct a preschool academy, I assist my hubby in children's ministry, and I'm managing the music department at our church on an interim basis.)

So, this past year, I've become all about my vocation and nothing about writing. Bummer...

This is just not acceptable!

So, I've picked myself up by the stilettos, and dusted off my keyboard. I'm not promising great things, just baby-steps. It's not like riding a bike... for me anyway.

I'm not making guarantees of prolific prose, or even consistent daily posting. What I can promise you is a depth of heart and transparency, that when written, will be my authentic self. I'm learning that sometimes, being quiet speaks louder than yelling.

I don't have to fill space with just anything to keep readers. That was a trap I fell into before. I felt the pressure to post something every day or I would be in danger of losing the interest of my subscribers. It stressed me out and overwhelmed me.

If I don't post regularly, maybe I will lose you guys, maybe I won't. But, I'm finding that I should only speak if I have something to say. This revelation has brought me a renewed creative vigor. I can do this... if there are no preconceived ideas or demands placed on me, by me.

So, what I do commit to is loving the writing process again... the good, the bad, and the ugly. I commit to posting as often as I have something cool or revelatory to share. It may be about the writing, it may be about the living, or it just may be what's in my heart at the time. I vow to court the muse.

What I'm asking of you, is another opportunity to be heard once more. Besides, haven't you missed my "Shoe Mood?"

Let me know how you guys have been doing. I will visit you again, as well.

I've missed you...

xoxo CJ

Shoe Mood:


'Nuff said!










4 comments:

Stephanie Blake said...

OH MY GOSH! Crazy that you are back on the exact day I do a search for:

cj shoe mood!!!!!!!!!

I have missed you. I have thought of you often lately, as I have just had a hysterectomy. I wanted to read your posts on your experience. And see how you are doing.

A break is GOOD. Good for the soul.
I've scaled WAY back in the amount of blogs I read. It's been awesome. I also took a long break from writing.

HUGS! Glad you are back. Post when you want!

Stephanie

CJ Raymer said...

Hellooooo my sweet friend! So glad to hear from you! I will certainly check in with you, but, I want you to know that if you need anything, just let me know. Shoot me an email if you ever need to chat about the "hyster" experience. I'm here for you! I'm wishing for you a speedy recovery and the enjoyment of freedom of new found liberty! ;-) xoxo CJ

Courtney said...

I'm so glad you're back! I've missed your shoes! But more importantly, I've missed your wisdom, compassion and lovely insights on everyday life. I love being able to see the world through your lens!

CJ Raymer said...

Aw, Court! You're so good to me. Thank you, friend. It's very good to be back. MUAH!!

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