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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Tea & Thee

Monday was my youngest daughter's birthday. She turned eleven. Geesh, where does the time go?

We have a family tradition in our home, amongst us gals, to have tea and scones and undisturbed "Momma time," on our birthdays. I've been baking scones and steeping tea for too many years to count now. But, the "Birthday Tea" is by far the most special and looked forward to occasion for taking tea in our house. According to Boo-Bear, I make the best scones and grilled cheese sandwiches in the whole world. (To the left, you'll see a bit of our morning spread.)

It amazes me how my girls transform when they are handling the delicate china cups and vintage creamer and sugar bowls. Conversation almost becomes prissy-fun at first, them deepens to a more profound expression of what is really going on inside of them. Taking tea fosters conversation. I feel bad that I've let my consistent tea-times waver over the last year or so. I must get back to it, as I enjoy it so very much. (Embroidering is another activity that I've allowed to suffer.)

So, there we were, me and my two daughters, enjoying a few stolen moments together. Those moments meant the world. Happy Birthday Boo-Bear! I love you with all of my heart. xoxo

I had my pre-op appointment on Friday. It went well. Nothing really could have been expected otherwise. EKG, chest X-ray, and more blood work were the events of the day. Now, I wait until Tuesday, when I go in for the big one. *Le sigh*

I'm becoming a bit anxious. I'm not sure exactly why, as there was not a certain event or moment that triggered this feeling. It must just be the thought of what's to come. The unknown. What I do know is that I trust God is in control and He has me in the palm of His hand before, during, and after this thing.

I'm still having the irritating need to nest. It drives me batty. Especially when everything we as women do on the home-making end, like dusting, laundry, dishes, etc, is nothing more than an illusion of accomplishment in my point of view. Not a moment after we finish our chore, do we turn around and see that more needs to be done or in my case, redone. Ongoing, recurrent, necessity. Groundhog Day! (The movie.)

I'm also busying myself with a few administrative things, for the academy, that I feel would be best accomplished early so that I'll not need to worry about them during recovery. My schedule is being cut close with in-service beginning on August 17th. I won't be able to lift or over exert myself, but at least I can sit at my desk and delegate. I'm getting pretty good at that.

My hubby has made me chillax during the summer so far. So, I just dabble in work and writing stuff here and there. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for him.

I will certainly try to post before my surgery. But, If I can't get it together enough to do so, know that I'll post as soon as I'm able. Probably at the end of next week. Now, I'm off to make more lists, over-analyze situations, and post various random status updates on my Twitter. (I will Twitter, I'm sure, once I'm home from the hospital. It's an addiction that narcotics can't even break. I may not make much sense, but, how many of us really do?)

Again, your thoughts, prayers, emails, notes, and love are felt and so greatly appreciated. Words cannot express my gratitude.

xoxo CJ

Shoe Mood:

Going easy and breezy for a while.
But, still ever so stylish. ;-)

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A Lady in Waiting to Become A "Hyster Sister"

I'm presently living vicariously through others as I watch "Tori and Dean's Home Sweet Hollywood." Tori is struggling to balance career, home-making, motherhood, etc, while looking absolutely gorgeous doing it all. I think I can do that. I am, however, currently wearing my well-worn "pink" (although it's green) t-shirt, sweats with "pink" (although they're blue) across my bumm and flip-flops. I'm not feeling so glamorous at the present. I keep hearing Zsa Zsa Gabor whispering in my ear, "You know, it's much better to look good than to feel good, Daahhlink!" Yeah, yeah, I know. At least my make-up is on and I'm having a good hair day.

I'm having a bit of a sinus funk, and needed antibiotics for it. I have my hysterectomy pre-op appointment on Friday, and cannot be sick or it can risk my surgery date. So, went to the family doc yesterday, and he concluded, as I have, that I've not had the best "go of it" as of late. Note: Shall I remind you of a certain spider-bite situation that caused the postponement of my D&C? Then, the removal of said spider bite, which actually ended up being a sebaceous cyst that had to be cut out, and left to heal without stitches! Yeah! Did I mention this was on my cleavage? Yeah! Then, there was the pathology results of my D&C. Ug! All of this has happened since May. (Oh yeah, did I mention that I found out that I was going to need a hysterectomy on my 23rd anniversary? Yeah! Nothing like saying, "Happy Anniversary, honey! Now, let's go and see the doc about having my uterus taken out, shall we?") *Le sigh*

Anyhoo, I digress. My family doc had recently received the notes from my oncologist, briefing him on what has transpired thus far and what is going to happen from here. We talked a little bit about it all, and he encouraged me that the hysterectomy usually is the treatment for uterine cancer, and with it being so early in it's detection, I should be fine. It's just the middle part from here to there that can be a bit of a challenge.

I've been spending some time on the site "Hyster Sisters." It's been a great encouragement to me to have a place dedicated to women who have walked, or are currently walking, the path to hysterectomy. So many stories. So many different reasons as to why they ended up in this same place as I have. It's wonderful to read the testimonies of others, and know that I'm not alone, even if I feel as though I am.

This journey is not something easy to explain to those who are not on this same path. I have my days where I'm totally fine, and then the next day I may feel frightened. I get embarrassed at times because I think I shouldn't be too concerned, but then, I know it's a big deal. To me, anyway.

Having that site to go to allowed me to see that I'm very normal in my concerns, actions and reactions. For instance, I have this overwhelming urge to "nest" like I did when I was at the end of my pregnancy. I want to be sure that everything is in order and perfect for when I come home. Then I read on the forum how many women who are waiting for their surgery date to approach (we're known as "ladies in waiting") have the same inclination going on. I didn't feel silly anymore.

I think the most difficult phase in all of this is with my hubby. He's been fantastic, but always wants to "fix" things. (As most of you men out there do.) Sometimes, I just need to vent or vocalize my concerns, without being fixed. Sometimes, I just need to be listened too. I guess it's just hard for my husband to see me going through all of this stuff. All of the procedures, the poking and the prodding, the tests, waiting for the results of the tests, etc. It's all a bit much. I know I'd feel really bad for him it it were he who was going through so much, and would want to make it all better as well. But, soon, it will be over and I will be on the mend. Can't wait!

So, now I re-organize my closets, make my lists, plan our meals, etc. while I wait. And, the waiting is the worst part of the deal.

If you know of a lady facing a hysterectomy, or maybe one who has already had the procedure and maybe feels alone, please let her know of the "Hyster Sisters" website. It will do her a world of good.

xoxo CJ

Shoe Mood:

Ahhhhh! That's more like it.
Zsa Zsa would be so proud!

Must Reads

  • "A Long Fatal Love Chase" by Louisa May Alcott
  • "Gone With the Wind" by Margaret Mitchell
  • "I Capture the Castle" by Dodie Smith
  • "Les Miserables" by Victor Hugo
  • "Rebecca" by Daphne Du Maurier
  • "The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing" by M.T. Anderson
  • "The Grace Awakening" by Charles Swindoll